Introduction
Welcome back to another episode of the Year Blank: What Now? Podcast Blog with Marci Nettles. I'm thrilled to have you join us this week for yet another compelling story that could make a profound impact on your life. Today’s episode is about individuals who found themselves in potential breakdown situations but chose to make a different decision—a choice that led them to a breakthrough. My hope is that by sharing these stories, at least one of you will hear something today that helps guide you toward your own breakthrough.
Meet Greg Barnsdale: An Unusual Undertaker
Today's guest is Greg Barnsdale, a man whose journey through life is anything but ordinary. As an undertaker with decades of experience, Greg has spent years stressing the importance of getting one’s final affairs in order. But life threw him a curveball when he was diagnosed with a large brain tumor, essentially facing a death sentence. Opting for surgery, Greg emerged with a compelling message that few others share.
Greg's unique perspectives come from his diverse background as a Certified Financial Planner, Certified Executive Advisor, and a hospice volunteer, working as a death doula. He has also authored a bestselling book about planning ahead for the inevitable. His message is gaining significant traction because it addresses a subject that most people avoid but should confront. Greg believes that end-of-life planning not only reduces the stress of aging but also improves family harmony, makes survivors more emotionally and financially resilient, increases social capital, and even bolsters the economy. He emphasizes that confronting the reality of death helps us live more fully.
Greg's Journey into the Funeral Industry
In our prior conversation, Greg and I decided on a simple yet profound title for this episode: "You're Dying, What Now?" Before diving into the dying aspect, I wanted to hear more about Greg’s life, particularly his 40-year career as a funeral director. Greg began his career at the young age of 20, and though he had no family in the industry, he found immense satisfaction in helping people through the worst times of their lives.
Greg shared that he initially had aspirations of becoming a helicopter pilot, but when that didn’t pan out due to a lack of physics qualifications, his guidance counselor suggested becoming a funeral director instead. He spent about 10 to 12 years in this field, developing a deep appreciation for the importance of estate planning.
Over time, Greg’s interests evolved, leading him into the world of financial planning. His experience in both the funeral industry and financial planning highlighted the same recurring issue: the taboo around discussing death and the lack of proactive planning. Whether it was helping people plan for their retirement or making funeral arrangements, Greg repeatedly encountered families who were unprepared for the inevitable.
Shifting Gears to Financial Planning
Greg’s transition into financial planning was influenced by his father, who had joined the industry, primarily focusing on mutual funds. Greg kept his funeral director’s license but began working as a financial planner, specializing in estate planning, life insurance, and health insurance. However, he continued to see the same problem—people were not planning ahead, and the conversations about death were often avoided.
Greg found it particularly frustrating that, despite the clear benefits of planning ahead, many people still avoided discussing or setting up their final arrangements. He cited his own experience with families who had just lost a loved one and were left scrambling because they didn’t know the deceased’s wishes or couldn’t locate the will. This lack of preparedness often led to unnecessary stress and even conflict among family members during a time when they should have been coming together.
The Ultimate Gift of Love: End-of-Life Planning
Greg’s experiences as a funeral director, witnessing families arguing over funeral arrangements or being unable to find important documents, inspired him to write his book, Do Not Ignore Your Mortality: Practical Advice from a Funeral and Financial Insider. He wanted to find the best way to share his experiences and emphasize the importance of end-of-life planning. His goal was to create something unique that would truly help people, both financially and emotionally.
Greg believes that proactive planning around end-of-life issues is the ultimate gift of love. It’s a way to take care of your loved ones even after you’re gone, by ensuring they won’t have to make difficult decisions during a time of grief. This perspective is not just Greg’s professional opinion; it’s a deeply held belief shaped by decades of experience in helping people navigate the complexities of death.
The Importance of Having a Will
One of the most important takeaways from today’s discussion is the necessity of having a current and valid will in place. Greg highlighted the troubling statistics showing that only about half of the adult population in Canada and the U.S. has a valid will. Many people see setting up a will as a hassle or are unsure how to go about it, but Greg stresses that it’s a critical step in planning for the future.
For those with straightforward situations—no child support obligations, no property outside their jurisdiction, or no business interests—creating a will online can be an inexpensive and effective solution. However, Greg strongly recommends consulting an estate planning lawyer to cover all the nuances and ensure the will is legally sound.
Facing Mortality
A significant part of the reason people avoid creating a will or planning for the end of life is the discomfort that comes with facing their own mortality. As humans, we naturally shy away from thinking about death, even though it’s an inevitable part of life. However, Greg’s experience has shown that by confronting our mortality, we can actually create more freedom for ourselves and reduce the stress on our families.
Greg himself had to face his mortality in a very real way when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. This life-altering event forced him to reflect deeply on his own life and the importance of being prepared for the end, whenever it may come.
A Life-Changing Diagnosis: Navigating the Emotions and Planning Ahead
When Greg received the news from his generalist doctor, the uncertainty of whether the growth was cancerous or not left him in a state of distress. He knew he needed to see an ear, nose, and throat specialist who had originally ordered the MRI, but the waiting game was nerve-wracking. It wasn’t until the specialist's office quickly reached out to schedule an appointment that Greg’s anxiety escalated.
Coping with the Unknown
Returning home that Thursday, Greg was overwhelmed with worry. The urgency of the appointment made him fear the worst—that the growth might indeed be cancerous. However, Greg chose to bear this burden alone, not wanting to upset his wife. He kept the news to himself, not wanting to ruin her day, her dinner, her sleep, or even her weekend. This inner turmoil continued until Saturday morning when a simple song on the radio, Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On," triggered an emotional release. Tears welled up in his eyes, and his wife immediately noticed something was wrong.
Breaking the News
When Greg finally shared the news with his wife, the weight of the diagnosis hit hard. The thought of losing her husband was devastating. Despite the initial fear, the relief came when they learned that the growth was non-cancerous. Greg had undergone surgery over a year ago and was now feeling great. His story is a powerful reminder of the emotional rollercoaster that accompanies such life-altering news.
The Importance of Planning
As Greg reflected on his experience, he emphasized a crucial point: he was prepared. He had already taken the necessary steps to ensure that if the worst happened, his family would be taken care of. He had updated his insurance policies, recorded all essential passwords, and made sure that his wife would have access to everything she needed.
Greg's preparedness provided a sense of relief amid the chaos of emotions. While the diagnosis itself was frightening, knowing that his affairs were in order allowed him to focus on his health rather than worrying about what would happen to his loved ones if he were no longer there.
Facing the Reality of Mortality
Greg’s story underscores a difficult but important truth: discussing our mortality is uncomfortable, yet necessary. Many people avoid these conversations, not wanting to confront the reality of death or severe illness. However, by addressing these issues head-on, families can avoid additional stress during already challenging times. Greg's experience highlights how discussing and planning for the inevitable can actually bring families closer together, fostering open communication and understanding.
Some attorneys even facilitate family meetings to discuss these matters in advance, ensuring that everyone is on the same page and that there are no surprises when the time comes. This proactive approach not only eases the emotional burden but also helps to strengthen family bonds by encouraging mutual support and clarity.
The Wake-Up Call
For Greg and his wife, this experience was a wake-up call. It reminded them of the preciousness of time and the importance of cherishing every moment together. The realization that one day they might not have each other brought a new level of appreciation to their relationship, motivating them to spend more quality time together and build lasting memories.
Greg's decision to record a video shortly after breaking the news to his wife was another powerful moment in his journey. Initially unsure if he would ever share it, the video ended up resonating with millions when his stepdaughter suggested posting it on TikTok. This raw, honest glimpse into their lives connected with people on a deep level, garnering over 1.7 million views.
Emotional Aftermath
The impact of Greg's diagnosis on his wife was immediate. She was heartbroken, immediately calling her employer to take the day off so she could accompany Greg to his appointment. The couple, needing to clear their heads, decided to go for a drive. While Greg's wife confided in her closest friend, Greg took a moment to himself, stepping out to the car and recording a video message. It was a moment of reflection and vulnerability, capturing the raw emotions of the situation.
This candid recording, initially a personal keepsake, became a shared experience when Greg’s stepdaughter suggested uploading it to TikTok. The video’s immense reach highlighted the universal resonance of their story, touching hearts and bringing awareness to the importance of planning for the unexpected, cherishing loved ones, and being open about our fears and vulnerabilities.
The Importance of Legacy Planning and Being Prepared
In today’s fast-paced world, it's ironic how people are often drawn to stories about critical health conditions and the life-altering decisions they entail, yet fail to take similar actions in their own lives. This contradiction highlights a significant issue in society—despite constant reminders from the funeral industry, legal professionals, and financial planners, many adults still do not have a valid will in place. This is not just a problem in Canada but a widespread issue in the United States, Australia, and many other countries. Statistics reveal that less than half of the adult population has a current and valid will, a fact that underscores the urgent need for more proactive legacy planning.
The Media’s Role in Public Awareness
The media plays a significant role in public awareness, often focusing on negative news that feeds societal consumption, such as tragic stories involving death. However, this focus rarely translates into personal action. Many people consume these stories, perhaps reflecting momentarily on what they would do in such situations, but ultimately fail to apply these lessons to their own lives. The challenge is to move beyond passive consumption and to actively prepare for the inevitable, ensuring that one’s affairs are in order long before a crisis arises.
The Role of Faith in Facing Mortality
For many, including the speaker in this conversation, faith plays a critical role in facing life’s most challenging moments. Being a Christian provided the speaker with the faith and hope needed to confront the possibility of death, especially during a weekend when he and his wife believed he had been given a death sentence. This faith, rooted in a strong foundation built from childhood and reinforced through his work in the funeral industry, offered peace of mind during a time of uncertainty. It also emphasizes the importance of being spiritually prepared, in addition to having practical measures in place.
Insights from the Funeral and Hospice Industries
The speaker’s extensive experience in the funeral industry has only strengthened his belief in the importance of legacy planning. Working with hundreds of families during their most difficult times highlighted the value of being prepared and the peace it can bring to both the deceased and their loved ones. Additionally, his involvement in hospice care has further underscored the significance of this preparation. Hospice is often misunderstood, with many believing it is only for those in their final days. However, it is a vital service that provides comprehensive care and support to individuals and their families, sometimes long before the final moments. Volunteering in hospice offers an opportunity to give back, provide comfort, and help others in their time of need.
Common Mistakes in Legacy Planning
One of the most common mistakes people make when it comes to legacy planning is simply not talking about it. The reluctance to discuss death and the failure to plan for it can lead to unnecessary complications and stress for loved ones left behind. The speaker’s book aims to inspire people to have these critical conversations and to approach legacy planning with a proactive mindset. Including humor and engaging storytelling, the book encourages readers to take action, emphasizing that it’s never too early to start planning for the future.
The Critical Role of Having a Will
One of the most important aspects of legacy planning is having a valid will. A will is the only legal document that allows individuals to stipulate who will manage their affairs after their passing. Without a will, a person dies intestate, meaning the state’s rules will determine who manages their estate, which could lead to unwanted complications and delays. This situation can be avoided by taking the time to draft a will and engage in open conversations with family members about one’s wishes.
The Importance of Life Insurance
In addition to having a will, life insurance is another crucial component of legacy planning. Many people are unaware of how much coverage they need or mistakenly believe that their employer’s group plan is sufficient. However, a thorough needs analysis often reveals that additional insurance may be necessary. It’s important to choose the right type of insurance, preferably one that involves full medical underwriting upfront. This type of insurance provides greater security and fewer complications at the time of a claim, ensuring that loved ones receive the intended benefits without added stress.
The Process of Estate Planning
Estate planning is not a quick process. It requires time and careful consideration. The speaker shares an anecdote about a woman who delayed creating a will for years, from the time her daughter was a baby until the daughter was old enough to drive. This story illustrates the importance of not procrastinating when it comes to planning. There is no specific age at which one should start estate planning; rather, anyone who owns anything of value should have a plan in place. Life can be unpredictable, and having a plan ensures that those left behind are not burdened with additional stress.
Practical Steps for Legacy Planning
One simple yet essential step in legacy planning is organizing and documenting online passwords and credentials. With the increasing number of online accounts, keeping a record of this information is crucial. Writing down passwords in a binder, updated regularly with a pencil for easy changes, is a practical way to ensure that loved ones can access necessary accounts in the event of an unexpected passing. Additionally, while wills used to be updated every five years or after significant life changes, the advent of online services has made it easier to update these documents more frequently, ensuring that all information remains current.
The Value of Preparation
Being prepared is not just about having a will or life insurance; it's about making things easier for those we leave behind. Taking the time to plan, organize, and document our wishes and important information can significantly reduce the burden on loved ones during an already difficult time. As technology continues to evolve, it becomes even more important to stay on top of these details, ensuring that our legacy is not just about what we leave behind, but how we leave it.
Empowering Conversations Through Probing Legacy Questions
One of the most significant hurdles in legacy planning is initiating the conversation. Many individuals find it challenging to bring up topics related to mortality and estate planning with their loved ones. Greg addresses this issue by offering a set of probing legacy questions designed to help people start these essential discussions. These questions are categorized into 15 basic and 15 advanced questions, providing a structured approach to what can often feel like an uncomfortable topic.
The purpose of these questions is not only to facilitate dialogue but also to empower individuals to move from a place of ignorance to one of knowledge. Greg emphasizes that ignorance is not inherently negative; it simply means a lack of information. By providing these questions, Greg removes the difficulty and uncertainty associated with legacy planning, making it more accessible and less daunting for everyone involved.
Taking Action: Accessing Greg’s Probing Legacy Questions
To make it easier for individuals to take the first step, Greg offers these probing legacy questions as a free resource. Interested individuals can access these questions by visiting MarciNettles.com/freebies. By providing just a name and email address, Greg ensures that people can stay connected and receive the tools they need to begin their legacy planning journey.
These questions serve as a starting point, helping individuals to overcome the initial fear and hesitation often associated with discussing end-of-life plans. Greg’s approach simplifies the process, encouraging people to engage in meaningful conversations that can lead to more comprehensive and thoughtful legacy planning.
Connecting with Greg: Staying Informed and Empowered
For those looking to delve deeper into legacy planning, Greg maintains an online presence through his website, DoNotIgnoreYourMortality.com. This platform serves as a hub for resources, updates, and ways to connect with Greg for further guidance. While Greg does not offer one-on-one advice due to his commitment to spreading this important message broadly, his website provides valuable information and links to trusted financial planners and lawyers who can assist with specific needs.
Greg’s dedication to educating the public about legacy planning is evident in his extensive outreach efforts. By writing a book and offering free resources, he aims to inspire and equip as many people as possible to take control of their legacy planning. His work not only helps individuals but also benefits families and the broader community by reducing the stress and complications that often accompany the loss of a loved one.
The Broader Impact of Legacy Planning
Legacy planning extends beyond individual preparation; it has a profound impact on families and the community at large. By having a well-thought-out plan in place, survivors are better equipped to handle the emotional and financial burdens that come with losing a loved one. This preparation fosters resilience among survivors, ensuring that they can navigate their grief with greater strength and support.
Moreover, effective legacy planning contributes to the economy by reducing the strain on the legal system. Organized estates require less judicial intervention, saving time and resources for everyone involved. This broader societal benefit underscores the importance of encouraging widespread participation in legacy planning.
Final Thoughts: Embracing Knowledge and Taking Action
Greg’s message is clear: information is power. By providing accessible resources and encouraging proactive planning, he empowers individuals to make informed decisions about their legacy. The probing legacy questions are a practical tool designed to help people initiate conversations that might otherwise be avoided. These discussions not only alleviate future stress for loved ones but also ensure that one’s wishes are respected and honored.
As Greg aptly puts it, moving from ignorance to knowledge transforms the way we approach legacy planning. By taking advantage of the resources available, such as his book and free legacy planning tools, individuals can take meaningful steps toward securing their legacy and providing peace of mind for themselves and their families.
For those ready to embark on this journey, visit MarciNettles.com/freebies to access Greg’s probing legacy questions and start the conversation today. Embrace the power of knowledge and take the first step toward a well-planned and meaningful legacy.
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